There are times when you feel like topping yourself off…….. OK if you do not, its just that you are different from most of us. I some times wonder how many of us have tried and failed. A mate of mine came to my place all distraught and all that, and said that he is going to jump off the bridge and end it all. So I said, I have tried it once and failed; and told him what happened: this is the story
Long time ago, I was desperate for love and attention, and more I got more I yearned. I thought everyone was, sort of, patronising me. You know for example, when you see a handicapped person you go out of your way, to please that person and sometimes make a fool of yourself. Well I thought that I was the handicapped person and the others were humouring me. End of my tether, I wrote a letter to all my friends what I thought about them, thanked them for accommodating me in their society and that I am going to kill myself so that they will not ‘ave a problem about me any more.
I thought seriously and took everything into account, like the cliff to jump off, a railway line to put my neck on etc. Went to this place near the coast with a rail line next to it and booked into a B&B in a different name and address than mine without any IDs on me. Smart init?
Then I had my evening meal with lots of alcohol on the bill to pay. More alcohol and played a few of the locals at 8 ball pool. Then I went for a walk with a bottle of Tequila and champagne (got to do it grand init). Sitting on a rock and looking at this beautiful sea about 300 feet below frothing against the rocks below, and drinking to the bad health of all me mates. I felt good.
So I drank some more and looked down at the violent sea under the cliff hanging. It’s nice and awesome to look at but seemed to be bloody cold. Did not have enough guts or was it too cold to jump. So by and by few times doing a bit of talking myself into it and drinking more I finished the tequila and threw the bottle as far as I can throw into the sea. Plan two was put into action. I had the time table for the high speed trains: well tell me who wants to get run over by a slow chug,,a,,,,,chug…. a train, you want a whooopoooosh train init?
Then I checked the time for the next fast train. Walla, just in time! So I went to the railway line got comfy and put my neck on the rail. Jolly good, I felt all tingly all over. I could hear the train coming up. My heart thumping, I saw the beast coming quite fast towards me. I wanted to get more comfortable, and I tried to shift my head and the bloody neck was stuck on to the cold steel rail. I panicked and pulled myself off very fast, started vomiting and the train flew by me yards away. Phoooh…. What a rush with a sudden come down. I passed out.
It was good to be still alive, but I had a huge bill to settle, no money and letters I have written to me mates to be stop, init? No more committing suicide for me. Do you know? My mate jumped off the suspension bridge got stuck in the mud and survived to die later in the hospital from pneumonia. I carted the guilt for a few years before I realised what a martyr I was trying to be. Not any more. I will explain one of these days.
Do you know the anagram of David Ginola.
Vagina dildo
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